Epic story


-Epic Story-

“Perfect” will never be the discussion to describe our love.

Messy mornings, silent days, interrupted evenings. The moon in zenith.

Never getting the chance to say that word one longed to be said all day. In my thoughts, in my ear, but the words from my mouth never to “here”.

The touch of your hand. The crease of your smile. The inside joke. No body or mind knows the dark and clear crystal waters our souls invoke.

Fallibility. Our exquisite risk of love. Sometimes spread too thin. Oftentimes, overwhelmingly, peanut-buttery thick.

Brushing the intrepid curls from your face as you begin your sleep. A lump in my throat, a sign of the promise that I am yours…

Soul to soul. King to Queen. Frequencies in orbit.

The two became love; the love became marriage; marriage became trepidation; trepidation became ease; ease became strength; strength turned the 2 to 1.

-Epic story-


Fly Your Freak Flag! being authentic

freak flag

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too hight to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

A pondering this morning: what does it mean to be “authentic”? The term is thrown around a lot and I’d bet that if you asked 100 people if they are authentic, 100 would say yes.

It seems that many people think they are authentic, but they tell themselves this story only by tricking the mind through a process rationalization and comparison (he/she is worse than me, so I must be authentic). No one is going to tell you they are a liar, a phony, or merely a reflection of outward thoughts and influences (unless they are on a path to something larger and being honest). It is characteristically American to put on a strong face and persona for the world to see, even if it is under false pretense.

So how can a person separate themselves from that which is untrue (to them) to locate the source? The viewer of the thoughts. I struggle with the fear of not actually knowing who I am. Check out my other blog post “Eggs Over Easy“.

We can argue if truth is universal or not, however for the purposes of this post, I am interested in the individual. To a small extent, Kantism and to a larger extent Biocentrism. The knower and not the known.

The Thought

Words that can describe authenticism:

  • Genuine
  • Real
  • True
  • Pure
  • Honest
  • Primary
  • Still
  • Solitary
  • Humble
  • Focused
  • Unique
  • Resolute
  • Clear
  • Definite

I do not include “moral” or “ethical” as these terms only make sense in relation to another person or thing.

The Feeling

Have you ever said to yourself “oh I wish I had said that” or “oh I wish I hadn’t said that”? We are in a constant rivalry in our heads about what we should and should not do.

Have you also had the feeling of complete control when the thing you said or action you provided was EXACTLY what the situation called for? That feels good! I want more of that.

To get back to this place, I use a visualization and centering technique that involves energizing myself to actually feel the feeling, even before it happens. Before a big presentation, I imagine myself afterwards feeling proud and knowledgeable. I am, in effect, creating the outcome I want through emotional tethering.

Check Tony Robbin’s 3 To Thrive.

The Action

Practice, repeat. Practice, repeat. Practice, repeat.

“We cannot always control our thoughts, but we can control our words, and repetition impresses the subconscious, and we are then master of the situation.” Oddly enough a quote by Jane Fonda.

Here are a few mantras based on a some of the words above (note: you can simply put “I am” in front of any of them to have something pretty meaningful):

  • I separate myself from all that is not true (not me)
  • I am the stillness of the water
  • I am the water that clears once it settles
  • I am honest with myself and others
  • I am focused on my goal
  • I am solitary. I am one.
  • I am unique
  • I am genuine
  • I observe that which is not me
  • I walk my path with clear vision
  • I am not my thoughts (that is insanity)
  • I am the wave. I am the wind.
  • I am a hand

This last one is a bit personal and has to do with knowing my role. The spot in my mind and within the universe which is the authentic “me”.

Being real is hard work. Layer upon layer of “them” has to be released (or revealed) and a person has to come to this with an open heart and mind.

I appreciate you. Take care. K

“Muddy water is best cleared by leaving it alone” – Alan Watts


Are you listening?

Kerouac radio

“[…]the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!”



Selfish. When you hear it there is an immediate negative relationship to the word. It’s ugly. It’s self-indulgent. It’s narcissistic.

Definition of selfish

  1. 1:  concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself :  seeking or concentrating on one’s own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others

Thanks Merriam. 

Ugh. That’s bad. “Without regard for others”. That should be punished!

Has this ever been you: “Once I take care of all the important people and things in my life, then I’ll take care of myself.”? Yeah, you have a problem. The guilt we feel, either as parents, spouses, employees, children, etc. is overwhelming. So much to do, so little time. But this definitely is not the key to success. Driving your kid around to every event they desire to attend isn’t caring, it’s coddling. Not saying ‘no’ to a boss or colleague. And funny enough, it’s a form of abuse. Abuse to you. Abuse in the fact that humans learn things when the situation is difficult, not when it is easy. Sometimes in my life I wonder (i.e. fear) that things have gone too well. I have never been in war, never hungry, never poor. Believe-you-me though, the Universe has found clever ways of reminding me that I’m a human. I sit in awe of these moments.

If we do whatever the other person or “society” is telling us to do, we are merely a reflection. Not a real person but a facsimile of someone else’s desire. This is not to say that Service is a bad thing. It just has to come from the right place. If you desire to serve your community only to use it on your “insta” account, you are not in it for the right reason. Do it because you like it. And when you feel good about yourself, rejoice in it. I open the door for people for two reasons: 1) it is a nice thing to do and 2) it makes ME feel good. Selfish. 

What if, just for fun, we applied the definition above to the act of meditation, to see if it fits?

  1. “Seeking or concentrating on one’s own advantage”. Check.
  2. “Pleasure”. Um, check. 
  3. “Well being without regard for others”. Holy shit. Check!

So by definition, meditating is selfish. And yet in study after study, the benefits of meditation are undeniable. Health can easily fall into this same category as well. I eat healthy for my own advantage, pleasure, and without giving a crap what someone might say. Asshole.

Same thing for opening that door for someone. 75% of the time I get a “thank you”. That makes me feel good. It brings me pleasure. But in the back of my mind I know that 25% of the time the person won’t say “thank you”. So I am doing this without regard for others. I am doing it for me. It also gives me the opportunity to move through an emotion of judgement. Again, this can be seen as self-indulgent. I am actually practicing my patience and compassion on people.

My heart pumps blood for no one else (although I am an organ donor, so one day who knows?). It feels. It hurts. It gets confused and flops from time to time. It races around. A healthy heart can give you more stamina. You live longer. You feel better. AND…  it nourishes itself first.

Take Care.


  • Old Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
  • New Rule: Do unto others as you would have YOU do unto you.